Busy Nothings

Tonight the Mormon elders were to come for our first meeting. They didn’t show up. I was really disappointed.

Tonight as I was driving home I noticed a sign in front of a church that read “Prayer–like having Trump’s credit card.” I pondered what could possibly be meant by that and came up with several theories. My two best explanations are:

1) There is no limit on how many prayers we can send up. This theologically makes sense, but doesn’t fit the whole “Trump’s credit card” analogy. But if it means there’s no limit on how many prayers we can send up, it would better read, “Prayer–like a roll of stamps that never ends” or something similarly cheesy. A credit card enables you to get stuff, and assuming Trump doesn’t have a credit limit, he can get whatever he wants. This leads me to my more disturbing theory:

2) We pray for stuff, we get stuff. There’s no limit on the stuff we’ll get when we pray for it.

What do you think?

…and thought I’d share it:

The Buffalo Theory of Drinking: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But it naturally attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.